“right by me” by Eric Dean, 2010

No intelligible words
sugar sifted through wood, walls, and windows
one breath of it enough to know that scent.

that scent I used to bathe in,
before the wind picked up and rain
washed my trail away.

Out here. Not lost,
but I can’t find me,

enough brute force to level this house
but I cry like a baby in a single room.

I know that sound.
The sound of what ifs…

and it all makes sense.

Pieces fall together when you loosen your grip.

There it is. Picture of what is, and what is is what is.

What to do? Nothing but to do…
whatever it is I do.

All this hammer, and not a nail in sight.
Not a goddamn screw either. Not for me.
And no amount of tape is gonna fix this shit.

So where is all this time?

Nowhere. Never was.

There was only now.
And now is what it is what it is… what it is –
is bull shit.

Roof, food, job, health, wallet, life, I got it I GOT IT.
Yeah, I got it. Keep it. Fuck it.

There’s still more love than I can understand,
and it’s still there, over the fence…no…no…yeah, right there.

You got it.

Keep it. No,
really. I couldn’t take it back if I wanted to.

I’m all I’ve really got, and that love is the best I can make.

It always looked best on you anyway, and I’d just end up losing it.

You’re right by me.

You are right by me.

You are right.

Bye.

-me.

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