The Bundle-of-Joy Taxi

You take an old armored car and outfit it with all the newest safety technology – all-wheel drive, all-weather tires, brush guards and roll cages all the way around, flashing caution lights, and external airbags like those big inflatable bowling bumpers. You pad the back like a sanitarium cell, and bolt down a velour lazy boy recliner with a fur-covered 6-point harness. Put in some soft lighting, and speakers that play soothing classical at a low volume. Park outside hospitals and charge new parents an exorbitant amount to transport them home with their newborn infants. I’ve never had kids, but I can imagine that must be the most frightening drive of a new parent’s life. You might even be able to get it covered by insurance!

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